Psalm 139 Prayer

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If is say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts O God! How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Oh that you would slay the wicked O God! O men of blood, depart from me!

They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain!

Do I not hate those who hate you O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139

[continue to shape me and mold me and strip me and reveal me and expose me and change me and make me vulnerable- no matter the cost- so that I will be glorifying to You, so that I will rejoice in You, so that I will be satisfied in You, so that I will experience You, so that I will believe You… So that there is only You.]

Bound in prayer, Released in freedom

James 4:2-3 says, “You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” The benefits we receive; to know God and believe Him, to glorify God, to find satisfaction in God, and to experience His peace; are all in direct correlation with our motives. To the degree that we desire God’s glory and find our satisfaction in Him, our motives are purified. We can ask God for great things because our desires and His are the same.

On the other hand, when we seek to glorify and satisfy ourselves, we set ourselves up for captivity. Our disobedience and rebellion against the authority of God complicates life. I can tell you from personal experience that at times of greatest captivity, I wanted nothing more than to be obedient to God- because I knew the freedom in Him. I was miserable in my rebellion, and I could not understand why I kept making wrong choices. Yes, they were my choices, and I’ve taken full responsibility for them as my sins, however, Satan had me in such a pitiless grip that I felt powerless to obey, although I wanted to desperately. Of course, I wasn’t powerless; but as long as I believed the lie, I behaved accordingly. Does that relate to any of you? to our sin?

Philippians 4:6-7, a well-know verse says, “Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” That is powerful and encouraging- the peace of God, which transcends all, understanding, my understanding, your understanding, Satans understanding, will guard my heart and mind- all I need to do is pray!

Without a doubt, avoiding prayer is a sure prescription for anxiety, a certain way to avoid peace. The Bible challenges us to develop active, authentic prayer lives, in order to receive the peace that covers all circumstances. Often, we do everything but pray, at least without the right motives. We tend to want something more ‘substantial’-studying the Bible, talking to the pastor, receiving counsel, all seems more tangible that prayer. And that is victory for the enemy, he would rather we do anything but pray.

He’d rather see us serve ourselves into the ground, because he knows we will eventually grow resentful without prayer. He’d rather see us study the Bible into the late hours of the morning, because he knows we will never have a deep understanding and power to live out what we have learned without prayer. He knows that prayerless lives are powerless lives, while prayerful lives are powerful lives.

[psalm 86]

Application, applying what we know of Christ, is all about relationship, and that means prayer. When Satan takes aim at our “Achilles heel”, he always picks the perfect time and wears the perfect disguise. In those times, none of the following will work effectively or alone to keep us out of the snare Satan has set before us:

·        Discipline: Somehow, at times of great temptation and weakness, discipline can fly like a bird out the nearest window.

·        Lesson from the past: Somehow we don’t think that straight when we get a surprise, full-fledged attack.

·        What is best for us: Our human nature is much to self-destructive to automatically choose what is best at our weakest moment.

Our strongest motivation, to run from Satan’s snare, will be the Person with whom we walk and talk. Staying close to God through constant communication, we receive a continual supply of strength to walk victoriously- in peace, even as we walk through the war zone. Prayer is relying on God for victory, not praying is destructive self-reliance. Remember, Christ came to set the captive free. Satan comes to make the free captive. Christ wants to cut some binding ropes from our lives. Satan wants to use them to tie us in knots.

Something in us makes us not want to need anybody, to not be dependant, we want to be independent. But God never intended for us to be that way. That is a big thing for me, to be vulnerable and admit that I need rescuing and to give over control. God created us to be loved and to be in a full dependant relationship with Him. We must walk with Christ step-by-step through this journey if we are to experience His protection, power, and resulting passion in our lives. Isn’t that what you want? When we are close to Christ, the enemy will be defeated. Believe it. Act on it. Prayer matters; the Sprit of God being released through our prayers and the prayers of others, turns cowards into conquerors, chaos into calm, and cries into comfort. Prayer brings intimacy with Christ- satisfying and fulfilling.

We are hopeless to live a victorious life without prayer. The Bible is a book of prayer. Isaiah 56:7 reminds us that God’s presence is a house of prayer. When our lives are over and our battle is done and the record of our days stands complete, may these words be acknowledged of us, “Then he/she prayed!” Oh what power and glory there is in prayer. What freedom and security there is in our obedience to Christ. What joy and love there is in a relationship with Him. He too is interceding on our behalf; we should be wise and follow His example of love nad trust in God our Father.

A Healthy Heart?

“No love of the natural heart is safe

unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first.”

Oswald Chambers

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the desire to be loved and the fear of being unloved, men and women alike. This is probably our greatest source of insecurity, whether or not we can always articulate it. In Proverbs 19:22, God identifies man’s main desire; “What a man desires is unfailing love, better to be poor than a liar.” The feeling to be loved and the feeling of not being loved demonstrate our innate need to be filled, only by God. We are not wrong to think we desperately need love: we do. We are wrong to think that we can make anyone love us the way we need to be loved.

The word desire in Proverbs 19:22 implies deep craving. Each of us craves utterly unfailing love- a love that is unconditional, unwavering, radical, demonstrative, broader than the horizon, and deeper than the sea! In the Bible, the phrase “unfailing love” is used 32 times, and each time, God is referred to as the only source of that love. Because the only way to have eternal life is to receive Him, God created us with a cavernous need that we would seek to fill until we found Him.

Searching for perfect, unfailing love in anyone else is not only fruitless, but also miserably disappointing and destructive, for you and for others. In the quest for unfailing love, if we unknowingly allow Satan to become our tour guide, the quest will undoubtedly lead to captivity and enslavement. I don’t think that our hearts, or even just my heart, can be healthy until it has been satisfied by the only completely healthy love that exists: the love of God Himself. Oswald Chambers said, “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first.” We are not free to love in the true intent of the word until we ourselves have found and accepted love, in Christ.

Throughout life, love is lost, love is taken away, love is changed, love is distorted, and love is not unfailing. It moved. It changed. It died. And it may leave us with wonderful memories, but it also leaves a hole. Only God’s love never fails. Agape love is referred to in 1 Corinthians 13:8, the love that God has given to us and the love that is exercised through us. He is the only One who is never overwhelmed by the depth and length of our need: how perfect and fulfilling is that? He is always willing to pour out His love on us and overflow our cups with His unfailing steadfastness.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” (Psalm 143:8)  What a heavy burden is shattered when we awaken in the morning; bring our hearts, minds, and souls and all their ‘needs’ to God; offer Him our empty and wanting cups; and ask Him to fill them with Himself!

Imagine how different the days would be if our cups were filled by Christ first thing in the morning. Never lack company or affection, or worth or purpose, or joy or peace; the cup would be filled with perfect unfailing love. Paul said in Colossians 2:10, “and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority,” you are completed in Him. What a blessing to experience this satisfying and fulfilling love, to not be in need, because you are overflowing with the love of Christ.

I want that love, every morning and throughout every day. I want to be filled and satisfied and accepting of the love of Christ Jesus. I want to overflow with love so that I can love in return, and know truly what it means to love the way Christ loves. I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul. Nothing else exists outside of Him.

Broken Hallelujah

With my love and my sadness

I come before you Lord

My heart’s in a thousand pieces

Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment

You’re with me somehow

And you’ve always been faithful

So Lord even now

When all that I can sing

Is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering

Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration

Will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You

And give You thanks

Even when my only praise

Is a broken Hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given

Much more than I deserve

And I have felt Your hand of blessing

On me at every turn

How could I doubt your goodness,

Your wisdom, Your grace

Oh Lord, hear my heart

In this painful place

When all that I can sing

Is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering

Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration

Will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You

And give You thanks

Even when my only praise

Is a broken hallelujah

I lift my voice

Your spirit moves

I lift my hands

I reach for You

‘Cause all that I can sing

Is a broken hallelujah

And my only offering

Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration

Will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You

And give You thanks

Even when my only praise

Is a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah!

I love this song, because it speaks to me, and should speak to other believers about worshipping God. We worship Him because He is faithful, because He is true, because He loves us… we don’t base our worship of God on who we are or what this world has afforded us. Our praise should be in direct correlation with who God is. As the song says, “even if all I have is a broken hallelujah, I will worship You and give You thanks”- God is who He says He is, and who He is, is worthy of praise. Nothing should ever deter our minds from that or bring doubt to the forefront of our minds. We are loved by an awesome God, He knows our pains, our afflictions, our fears, our desires, our needs; He knows our deepest points, and He loves us and He calls us just the same- and that is worthy of giving Him all that we can and praising His name every second of every day. He is constant and unchanging. Because of who He is, He deserves our praise!!

Hallelujah.

Isaiah 44:6

This is what the Lord says- Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God.

Deuteronomy 7:9

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Miles apart and Touching my heart

I met these ladies while serving in Honduras, I served with them in ministry at Emmanuel, I built intimate relationships with each one of them, each relationship serving as a different way for God to reveal himself. He used each woman in my life to be a blessing and tool in my walk with Him. I am so thankful to have met them and am appreciative of the relationships I built with them while overseas, and am thankful for the relationships I continue to share with them, even though we are miles apart, they continue to bless me.

Mami: a mother of currently 500 children, and has been a mother, friend, mentor, prayer warrior, example of a godly woman, to over 1,000 kids. Everything she says, the way she thinks, how she perceives the world, is all in the context of biblical truth. I cannot remember having a single conversation with this woman that was not filled with stories and facts and blessings and promise and truth that she has recalled from the Word of God. Every conversation was a blessing; it was a lesson in biblical womanhood and an encouragement in Christian living. I was thankful to have been able to learn from and serve in ministry alongside this woman. I saw God in her and desired to be near her as if to experience more in the presence of God. She was an example to me of how to be submissive and responsible in my relationship with Christ, and a picture of the joy and peace that being His servant provides to believers.

Carelia: a beautiful mother of 3, two boys and one girl. She is medically certified and uses her skills to provide care to hundreds of children. She is a mother, a friend, a mentor, a source of encouragement, and an example of a godly wife and mother. She welcomed me into her family and into her circle of friends; she shared with me some of the most treasured areas of her life, especially her children, who were such a blessing to me. She always had something encouraging to say and was always available to offer her assistance and love. She gave 100% to her job, to her relationships with the kids, with her family; she was constantly outpouring the love of Christ to all she spent time with. Her life is a picture of a woman who is obedient and submissive to God, one that has found joy in His blessings, and submissiveness to His will. The time I spent with her and her family was time God had given me to be part of another family, in which He could clearly be seen.

Lourdes: a wonderful mother of two little girls. She was given a family at Emmanuel, starting from her childhood, she has grown into a woman of God, because of the blessings she was afforded. She befriended me and shared her language, culture, family, and ministry with me. She was a great example of how to live a life of responsibility in Gods calling. God has given her and her family a lot to be stewards of, and she handles the task well. Her daily life is one of joy, peace, humility, obedience, and love. She interacts with the kids as their mentor and friend, she supports her husband, and she gives 100% to her daughters. There was so much from my time spent with her that I was able to see the blessing of living a life completely devoted to Gods will and calling.

Danny: an amazing mother of 2 precious girls. She prayed for her husband’s salvation and for her family’s life in ministry. God has blessed her by providing her with both. I could not go a day without being blessed by her sense of humor, her enjoyment of life, and her love for Christ. She has been able to utilize the qualities that God has given her to be a great example to the kids at Emmanuel. She shared her family with me, and we developed a good friendship, filled with laughter. I was able to learn so much from my time with her. Whenever I saw her she was with the girls or hand-in-hand with her daughters. Her contagious joy and fun was such a blessing to feed off of while working. I always looked forward to seeing her and spending time with her each day.

Veronica: a beautiful mother of 4, one girl and 3 boys. To me she is defined as a strong woman of God. Her life rests upon the strength and love of Christ. She demonstrates His love in all of her relationships. Her family is most important to her; the blessing her children were to me, I know is attributed to the love they receive from her. She is a friend, an authority, and a biblical example of womanhood to the kids at Emmanuel. I loved to watch her bake and eat the desserts she prepared, even that to me was a picture of God’s blessing. She was a ton of fun and a great friend, to me and to many others. I often desired the strength and love and joy from God that I saw in her, I loved how God was so evident in her life. The time I spent with her was a great encouragement and time of enjoyment of what God had provided.

All of these women God placed in my life for different reasons, but none more evident than to reveal Himself to me, His characteristics, in my relationships with them. God was clearly evident in each one of these women, and in the lives of their families and ministries. I am so blessed to know these women, to learn from them, to spend time time with them, to talk with them, to see them grow in their walks with God, to be encouraged by them, etc... My relationships with each of these women demosnstrated a certain quality of God in His relationship with me. Even on the simplest level, my friendships and relationships with these ladies, were a way God provided for me, taught me, encouraged me, blessed me, and even called me to His service. I pray for these women and their families daily, and cannot wait til I am ble to see them again :) I know that they are loving and serving God with all their heart!!

Nagging dissatisfcation... Where are you looking?

Part of my studying has led me over to Isaiah, focusing closely on chapter 44 (great chapter by the way). I am learning about satisfaction and blessed dissatisfaction. Blessed dissatisfaction is what brought me to Isaiah.

Israel was chosen by God. “But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen! Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you: Fear not, O Jacob my servant, Jeshurun whom I have chosen.” (Isaiah 44:1-2) Isaiah concluded that he saw no sign of God’s presence among His people. God has promised not to abandon them (Isaiah 21), and He didn’t. But where sin is rampant, God is certainly capable of shrinking the presence of the Holy Spirit and leaving virtually no signs of His presence. The nation of Israel had been given everything, yet they refused to receive and be satisfied. They traded what their hearts could know for what their eyes could see. I, like Israel, have experienced the withdrawing of God’s obvious presence in my life in seasons of sin.

Israel had submitted to idolatry (Isaiah 44:9-20). We are given descriptions from these verses about the destructiveness of idols: can profit nothing (v.10), ultimately reap shame (v.11), failure to meet needs (v.12). People can become so engrossed in their idols that even their physical needs are no longer being met. Sound familiar? For me it does. In verse 13, we see that idols can also be made in the form of humans. At some point everyone has exalted a thing or person in the place of Christ.

Even after we see the cataloged evidence of Israel’s idolatry, we are humbled by God’s promise, “You will not be forgotten by me.” (v.21) The mercy of God is indescribable! Even when His people turned to idols (turned away from God), He swept away their offenses like a cloud, their sins like a morning mist (v.22). Even as we face some of the idols we have worshipped in our quest for satisfaction, we need never doubt the mercy of God! Also in verse 22, God asks us for one thing in His outpouring of mercy, “Return to me, for I have redeemed you!” Despite all the sin, despite all the mistakes, the idolatry, the filth, the disobedience, despite everything, God wants me, wants us, to return to Him. He is always calling His people back to Himself! Praise God.

God created a void for Him in our lives, and it demands attention. We desperately look for something to satisfy us and fill the empty places. Our craving to be filled is so strong that the moment something or someone seems to meet our need, even momentarily, we feel an overwhelming temptation to worship it. And I’m not necessarily talking about falling on the floor at its/their feet and lifting your hands in awe, but the simple act of turning all your affections towards it/them and seeking after it/them to fulfill you. The way you live, the way you think, the way you feel, all of that can be in worship of an idol.

Even with all of the powerful, insightful, and thought provoking verses in Isaiah chapter 44; I found that verse 20 was probably the most convicting. “He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say ‘is not this thing in my right hand a lie?” (Isaiah 44:20) Fresh conviction washes over me like a storm! How many times have I fed on ashes instead of feasting on the life-giving Word of God? How many times has my deluded heart misled me? How many times have I tried to save myself? Too many times, each time requiring the powerful and merciful hand of God.

I could fall on my face, right now in this moment, and praise God for all eternity for awakening me to say, “This thing in my right hand is a lie.” I can remember many instances, but one more recent, that I held on with a virtual death grip. But I also remember the harrowing moment God opened my eyes and refocused my heart to what lie I had believed. I cried for days.

I had allowed myself to believe a lie and saw it as good. My heart, handicapped by malnourishment, had deluded me. Although, I would never have acknowledged this at the time, I had bowed down and worshiped that sin, finding pleasure in the midst of its destructiveness. My only consolation in my idolatry and sinfulness is that I finally allowed God to loosen my fingers and peel away my hand. Now I am striving to hold tightly to God outstretched and unwavering hand. Yes, I plunged to the darkest depths to discover satisfaction. Sadly, I often learn things the hard way. I pray to settle for nothing less the rest of my days. I am very aware of Satan’s pattern and technique to constantly cast temptations and idols before me- I hope never to forget again that I can fall!!

Only God can satisfy. He is the truth that sets us free. We have to ask ourselves, if we are holding anything in your craving for satisfaction, are we willing to acknowledge it as a lie? Even if we feel we cannot not let go of it at this moment, we need to lift it before God and confess it as an idol. God does not condemn you. He calls you. Will I, will you, open your hand to Him? He is opening His hand to me and you. His arms and hand have always been outstretched for us; He has the scars to prove it J

Isaiah 44:21-22, “Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant; I formed you; you are my servant; O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.” Amen. Thank you Lord for your love and mercy and faithfulness.

Held Captive by a lack of Satisfaction

When we seek satisfaction in the wrong places, we not only doom ourselves, we become downright dangerous to others. We need to get the message clearly through our skulls that God never intended any other earthly relationship to fulfill our deepest needs. We can easily be led into captivity by seeking other answers to needs and desire only God can meet. Maybe we have all experienced an empty place deep inside that we tried our best to ignore or to fill with something other than God, I know I have. But part of living in our liberation in Christ is allowing Him to fill our empty places. And that doesn’t mean a life full of activities, but a soul full of Jesus.

God intends for us to find satisfaction in Him; complete, lasting, soul-quenching, emptiness-filling satisfaction. We need to realize that God desires for us to find genuine satisfaction in Him, which will help us, overcome our idolatry: settling for satisfaction with anything other than God. And that’s a big problem, for two reasons I see; first- there is only One true God, second- we are settling for less and for upset if we search for satisfaction in anything other than the One true God. Anything we try to put in a place where God belongs is an idol.

One mystery I will never fully understand is why I, why we as believers, would trade God, the only source of genuine satisfaction, for worthless idols that will never truly satisfy. Yet that transaction calls to me and calls to believers every day of our lives. In that case, we need a simple goal for our satisfaction. We must recognize that God and God alone can satisfy- it’s so simple as believing God is who He says He is. That solution also challenges our belief system- can I, can believers, honestly say that they believe that God is God, and it needs to be asked of ourselves, is God really enough to satisfy me, do I trust that?! The answer is a most unwavering YES HE IS GOD and YES IS ENOUGH, but we have to live like we truly believe that, in pursuit of His all encompassing satisfaction. We must confess our unfaithfulness as the idolatry that it is and seek Him only.

Our lives have been sanctified by the One true God. Heaven is His throne. Earth is His footstool. The winds do His bidding. The clouds are His chariot. The earth trembles at the sound of His voice. When He stands to His feet, His enemies are scattered. He is transcendent over all things. Absolute. Uncontested. Omniscient. Omnipresent. The Lord God omnipotent reigns! He is God, and there is no other!

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord; let every creature praise his holy name forever and ever. (Psalms 145:16-21)

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does no satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the riches of fare.” (Isaiah 55:1-2)

In the above passage, God starts by freely offering nourishment and provision to all those who are in need, all those who are looking for a space to fill, that, as we see, only God can perfectly and consistently provide and satisfy. Then He asks, why work for and search for that which cannot satisfy; why do you work for things that are never enough, can never fill you, and are endlessly insufficient?! We fall short of satisfaction in this world because it is not in Christ, but instead of Christ. But if Christ is the reason for our satisfcation and our reason for pursuit we will most definitely experience satisfaction, God-given satisfaction! He promises us, and God is faithful and true, and will fulfill all that He has said He will.